kaleidoscope collapse
by stars.everlasting
Summary: mild AU - in which naruto falls, sasuke destroys and sakura was never human. "There's no room left in my cracked and damaged heart for heroes, Sasuke." eventual SasuSaku.
1. prologue

**title:** kaleidoscope collapse

**genre:** romance/angst

**word count:** 302

**dedication:** to angst-ridden SasuSaku, to despair, and to tiny sunbeams of hope.

**disclaimer:** don't own, really wish i do...

**notes:** i'm sick again :/ whoopee. thank god for tea.

**notes2:** i am utterly, hopelessly in love with jazz and Florence and the Machine.

**notes3:** El is trying to bite me as we speak. BAD EL. NO BITING. I WILL SMACK YOU IN THE FACE WITH A DISHRAG. OR THREATEN YOU WITH THE SASUKE PLUSHIE. (he's adorable, btw.)

**This is a prologue. Ideas/suggestions welcome.**

* * *

_kaleidoscope:_ a continually changing pattern of shapes and colors.

_collapse:_ to break down; come to nothing; fail

in which naruto falls, sasuke destroys, and sakura was never human.

this is

kaleidoscope _collapse_

_some secrets were better left unspoken._

* * *

_-because the guilt eats away my heart as i fall from the last floor of redemption._

Naruto didn't know when it happened. Somewhere along the way to _Saving Sasuke_, Sakura-chan fell through the cracks and turned into not-so-Sakura-chan-anymore. Someone who locked away her emotions in Pandora's Box in exchange for a sort of detachment that could be called inhuman. What he didn't know was that _Sakura-chan_ died the moment Sasuke's fingers wrapped around her throat, with insanity that would put a madman to shame.

What he didn't know was that Haruno Sakura buried _Sakura-chan _six feet under the cold, cold ground, with the final words of a blank smile tinged with insanity.

* * *

Sakura went through the war with fake smiles and fake laughs and fake tears. Fake, fake, fake-

Fake everything.

And the best part was that nobody noticed. Not Ino, not Naruto, not even Sai noticed her artificiality. It made her laugh a humorless laugh, because she was an _actress_ now, with her many faces and split jetés and her mirthless chuckle echoing and bouncing off the walls-and the greatest, greatest boost to her pride? Nobody saw that she was just, just _acting_.

_-and she smiled to herself with a touch of madness, of irony and nihilistic hope-if it could be called that-and isn't-this-just-perfect?_

And as Team 7 were to soon discover, soon after Sasuke's return, after the end of the war, after Konoha settled into a peaceable routine, it was their only female teammate who was broken beyond repair.

_-so let's run away to oblivion and watch the supernovas die._

* * *

**notes4:** okay, people-who-favorited, i know you guys like my stories and favorite them and put me on alerts and such, but please, for kami's sake, leave a review while you're at it. okay? i would love feedback, and when you favorite something and NOT LEAVE A FUCKING REVEIW, kari-chan loses her temper just a bit. so next time, review. okay? REVIEW.

**notes5:** i don't have enough money to pay for better themes on LJ and tumblr because either El steals all my money to do dastardly things with it, or i use it to pay rent/save for another electric guitar/save for an iPad 3/buy food/buy Naruto plushies/splurge on manga. so basically, i spend my money on everything other than what really matters. XD oh well. i'll pay for this someday XD

**notes6:** if the above wasn't clear enough, i'm broke because i go to too many cons (GG-CHAN I WENT TO NUMEROUS CONS YAYYY! forgot to tell you ^_^;) and spend all my money on art supplies/food/anime/manga/nail polish in multiple shades of blue.


	2. one

**Back with chapter one. Finally updated! Sorry for the wait, hope you like.**

* * *

_kaleidoscope:_ a continually changing pattern of shapes and colors.

_collapse:_ to break down; come to nothing; fail

in which naruto falls, sasuke destroys, and sakura was never human.

this is

kaleidoscope _collapse_

_some secrets were better left unspoken._

* * *

one.

* * *

Sakura was frost. Cold, beautiful, chilling frost, ice that sparkled like a million shards. Sakura was frost-her _heart _was frost, now, and little seedlings of hope were dying, gasping for warmth and heat and _Sakura-chanwhereareyouwheredidyougo?_

She justified, it though. It seemed like she always had to, when Ino, concerned, asked her why she was so _detached_ lately. Or when Kakashi's eye strayed away from his little orange book and gazed at her with a mixture of knowing and apathy, because he cared but not enough (she was never enough, that's why). Or when Naruto's blue eyes seemed to have storms swirling in them as he stared at her, wondering why she was so so so _cold_. But Sakura justified that it was who she was now, it was a part of her profession, it was part of being who she was-a shinobi, in all respects.

She found it darkly amusing that they all believed her when she threw them excuses like this. When she said she was tired or stressed or that she just didn't feel like training that day. That, or they just weren't willing to acknowledge the fact that all her acting and faking and plastic-how-do-you-do? smiles were stemming, frothing from _his_ return, from _him_, because of _him_. _He_ was Team 7's elephant in the room-the one they all tiptoed around, before and after he came back.

So Sakura clamped down on the nausea that bubbled in her throat and all the _lovehatehappysadworthlessnessdespair_ that began to brew in her stomach when she saw two figures in the distance, supporting each other and walking towards her through the dust. Naruto and Sasuke arrived at the medical tents as heroes, and while everyone cheered the village hero on, Sakura just watched.

She was perfectly all right where she was. _He_ didn't have to come and break her protective bubble of walled-up faces and and smiles that never reached her eyes.

But he did. And as, Naruto hobbled over enthusiastically with his arm slung over Sasuke's shoulder, Sakura's castle walls took a beating and she almost lost herself.

That night, she cried.

* * *

She woke up a few days after that for the court hearing with red-rimmed eyes and disgust for _breaking_ painting her face apathetic and dull, like a diamond sparkling brilliantly with beauty, but colorless all the same. Like a robot, she had mechanically gone through the proceedings (because the Council was overpowered now, because it was Tsunade-shishou who called the shots and because _he_ was backed by almost everyone) and let her voice tonelessly drift across the hall, precise and analytical, reporting the mental stability of the last Uchiha.

Naruto had erupted into cheers the moment Tsunade gave her verdict, and a tension that previously hung around the atmosphere began to dissipate, as the crowd filtered out and Naruto slung a friendly arm around _him_, escorting _him_ out as Kakashi's lone eye gazed at them with an old fondness.

None of them noticed the pink-haired medic they left behind, the air around her boiling but freezing at the same time.

* * *

It was around then that Sakura approached the ex-Root member of Team 7 with a different purpose in mind. Sai had been surprisingly willing to help her smother her emotions the first time she approached him with the excuse of a mission. He hadn't been the least bit suspicious in any way, and trained her for a week before she was ready to disconnect herself from emotion of any kind.

Sakura was always envious of how easily Sai could push whatever feelings he had learned of down so easily. The cynical, bitter part of her mind that seemed to grow bigger and hold more power over her thoughts every day (_you'rejadedwe'rejaded_) had always wondered why he wanted to regain his humanity in the first place. Clearly, emotions were a nuisance, especially for her, and she figured, what better way to cope?

It was lovely how easily and how quickly Sakura smothered her feelings, choking them so they wouldn't choke her.

She was always a fast learner, after all.

* * *

**Review? :)**


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